


Letting Go

by PalestAzure



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22173865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PalestAzure/pseuds/PalestAzure
Summary: Ethan takes Zyra to a conference in Miami to find information to help with Dr. Banerji’s case. However, being stuck on a plane together brings out truths about their feelings for each other.
Relationships: Dr. Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart), Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart)
Kudos: 16





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> This was written after chapter 9. I felt guilty about MC’s behavior in chapter 9, and was hoping that she would apologize to Ethan.

Zyra dashed through the airport after clearing security, her carry on rolling behind her as her phone vibrated in the back pocket of her jeans. She knew who was calling her, but she was almost at the gate. There was no immediate need to answer. Finally, she saw him with his phone to his ear, and an almost irritated expression on his face. 

“You’re late, Rookie.” His arm fell down to his side as he put his phone away. “I knew I should have picked you up myself.”

Zyra was trying to catch her breath. She didn’t realize how far she had run. 

“I’m sorry. I just…”

Ethan raised his hand. “I don’t need to hear any excuses for your lack of respect for punctuality.” She could see the disapproval in his eyes. She averted her eyes from his. She had done it again. Disappointed him. Her hand tightly gripped the handle of her suitcase so hard that she could feel the impression of the handle in her skin. 

“Here.” He handed her a cup of coffee. “Unfortunately, it’s lukewarm now.” 

Zyra hesitantly accepted it. Her guilt made her feel undeserving of his thoughtfulness. Before she could even mutter the word _thanks_ , Ethan had already started making his way towards the gate. 

“Let’s go, Rookie.”

Zyra followed Ethan through the gate and onto the plane. When they reached their seats, Ethan motioned for Zyra to enter first. She took the seat near the window. He put their suitcases into the overhead bin and then sat next to her in the aisle seat. 

There was nothing extraordinary about the flight. The flight attendants provided the usual safety precautions. The pilot gave the passengers a formal greeting over the intercom. There was slight turbulence heading out of the city. However, there was only silence between Zyra and Ethan. Not once during the pre-flight or departure did Ethan speak with her. Not even small talk. She felt a tension between them. It was if the tension was directed straight towards her and was waiting to push her through the window, letting her fall the thousands of feet away from him, far out of his reach and sight. She thought that’s what he surely wanted and probably regretted inviting her to come along. All she could do was sit there, stare out the window, and take a sip of her now cold coffee. They were finally flying above the clouds. It was her favorite part about airplanes, but at that moment she felt numb to the view.

They had an almost 4-hour flight ahead of them. The silence made her nervous. She didn’t want to start off their trip at such a low point. It was her fault. Her alarm didn’t go off. She overslept. She rushed it to the airport, hoping to make it on time. So she understood his coldness towards her now, regardless if she were the top ranking intern at the moment. She had to make things right between them. She _needed_ to because she missed how gentle his voice became when they were alone, especially when they both grew comfortable enough to disclose details about their lives. She loved the way his voice grew in confidence as he passionately talked about his interests. She loved how his crystal blue irises sparkled when he smiled in response to something she said. Now she was ruining any type of relationship they had created. There was a sense of trust they had developed over time, but now she felt that trust was deteriorating. She couldn’t let it. 

She leaned to her side toward him. “I’ve never flown first class before.” 

Ethan peered at her from the corner of his eye, but then returned his focus on the book he was reading. Zyra frowned and sighed to herself. The cabin noise kept her sigh from being audible, even to herself. She noticed the title of the book in the header of the pages. 

“Roman history, huh? Learning anything interesting?” 

Again. He didn’t respond. Zyra was trying to think of anything else to get his attention. The options for topics of conversation raced through her head, but before she could decide, Ethan finally broke his silence. 

“Not anything I didn’t know already.” He closed the book and put it in the pocket of the seat in front of him. “That’s the last time I spontaneously purchase a book from an airport bookstore.” He shook his head in disappointment. She noticed a tiny smirk creep at the corner of his mouth, but it vanished as soon as it had appeared. He shifted his body position so that she was now in his line of sight.

“How are you doing, Rookie?”

Taken off guard by his focus on her, she fumbled with a simple “Ok.” 

“You know, everything is free in first class. Take advantage of it.” He gently smiled with small creases besides his eyes.

Zyra caught her breath as she saw the gentleness in his gaze towards her. It was that same warmness he emitted when they were alone, a warmness that told her that she was perhaps special to him in his eyes. Or that was how she interpreted it anyway. But now he had returned to her. His focus was back on her, and she had the opportunity to be there with him in that moment. But there was something she had been wanting to tell him. It had been gnawing at her for weeks because she couldn’t muster up the courage to say the words. She felt ashamed and humiliated, but she knew she had to do it. They were stuck on a plane. He couldn’t just walk away or send her away. He couldn’t even shut a door in her face, and definitely not his office door. So she decided to take the chance. 

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

“First, thank you for the coffee.” Ethan simply nodded.

“I wanted to apologize.” Ethan didn’t move an inch but he had a focused gaze, giving her his full attention. “I wanted to apologize for how I acted a few weeks ago. For overreacting and assuming.” She could feel the slight burning in her eyes. Her chin began to tremble. “For assuming the worst about you. That you were trying to punish me.” She dropped her head a little as she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. “In hindsight, I should have known that you wouldn’t do that. That you were only trying to push me to be my best.”

She paused as she tried fighting back the lump she felt growing in her throat. She had been practicing what to say repeatedly in her mind. She even had a few shower rehearsals. She hadn’t prepared for how emotional she would feel saying the actual words to him. Her deep-rooted guilt and shame took hold of her, and she desperately fought to hold back the tears. She took one long deep breath before she continued. 

“Seeing you disappointed in me is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt, especially since now I know that I’m here because you saw something in me. You, the person I’ve looked up to throughout my entire medical schooling, picked _me_. I’m sorry for disappointing you. I’m sorry that I made you feel regret for choosing me. I’m sorry…”

Her eyes were now filling with tears that were eager to flow over the edges of her lower eyelids. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t better…” Her voice grew faint. “…for you.”

She began to wipe some of the single streams of tears that had begun to fall along her cheeks. 

His long silence made her feel even more embarrassed. She began replaying in her mind everything she had just told him. She cringed at how desperate she believed she sounded, pitiful, even. If there was one thing that she was certain about with Ethan was that he was not a fan of self-pity. He would probably tell her to take responsibility for her actions and do better the next time instead of feeling sorry for herself. She could hear his voice already inside her head telling her those exact words. However, his unexpected response broke her wandering mind. 

“I appreciate the apology, Rookie.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a napkin that had the same logo as the one on her coffee cup. He extended it out to her. Their eyes met as she accepted it. 

“You know, I never lost my belief in you, but you need to first believe in yourself and trust your attendings and senior residents because at the end of the day it’s all about doing what’s best for the patients, no matter how frustrating some of them can be.”

She caught herself smiling as she dabbed her eyes. “You mean PITA?”

Ethan raised an eyebrow. He then leaned over close to her, his mouth near the side of her head where her thick curly hair covered her ear. 

“Yes. Like you. My constant PITA,” he whispered.

Her heart raced at his deep raspy voice. She could feel his breath on her skin as it trickled through the tiny gaps between the thick locks of her hair. Suddenly, Zyra raised a hand to her mouth and laughed. She tried to control the volume of her laughter so not to draw attention to themselves. However, his simple gesture and their usual humor with each other was the immediate remedy to lift her spirits back up. At that moment, she knew her Dr. Ramsey, her Ethan, had returned. And it filled the aching need inside of her that yearned for his closeness and comfort. 

“What can I get this beautiful couple to drink?” The flight attendant interrupted, smiling widely at the both of them.

“What?” Ethan exclaimed, his mouth agape and eyes wide. His face turned a light shade of pink. But Zyra had the opposite reaction. She just laughed. Ethan shut his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and let out a deep sigh. 

“I’m sorry. Is everything all right?” The flight attendant grew concerned.

Zyra nodded as she couldn’t drop the broad grin from her face. “I’ll just have a ginger ale. And you, honey?” She tenderly placed her hand on top of his.

Ethan shot her a hard look through narrowed eyes. “Nothing for me.” He continued staring at Zyra, noticing how amused she was by the situation. “On second thought, I’ll take a scotch, neat.”

When they received their drinks and were left alone, Zyra giggled quietly to herself as she took a sip of her drink. Ethan quickly downed his in one shot. 

“Amused, Rookie?”

“Most definitely.” She shot him a teasing smirk. “If only you saw the look on your face. I was waiting to see how deep a shade of red your face would turn.”

“And?”

“You didn’t disappoint.” She winked at him. “I’m surprised though. Why didn’t you correct her?” 

Ethan scratched his chin before he responded. “Why didn’t you?”

Zyra just shrugged, playing it off as if it were nothing. But deep down, it was an example of something she wanted with him. They didn’t mention it again. 

Zyra felt her eyelids become heavy as she leaned her head against the window. She hadn’t realized that while she had fallen asleep, her head ended up resting against Ethan’s shoulder. She also hadn’t realized the small smile that fell across his face when it happened or that he had asked the flight attendant for a blanket that he personally covered her with. When she finally woke up, she gently nuzzled against her “pillow,” not knowing what–or who–it actually was.

“Good morning, Rookie.”

Zyra blinked a few times to adjust her eyes from the sleep. She froze when her senses registered his warmth against her face and his unforgettable scent filling her as she inhaled. She wondered how long he allowed her to rest like that. She relaxed into him, not wanting to pull away. Not yet.

“Are we close?”

“No.”

“How long have I been asleep.”

“Not too long. About 20 minutes.”

Her eyes wandered to him, as she noticed he was reading the same book.

“I thought you had given up on that.”

“It’s not like I had anyone to talk to.” He peered down at her and gave her a cheeky smile.

Zyra rolled her eyes, playfully. “Right.” 

She looked back at him, her eyes caught in his own. She noticed his head leaning closer to hers, and she tilted her chin up in response. Her gaze moved to his lips, her heart racing as the distance shortened between them. She felt his breath soothingly tickle her full lips, eagerly waiting to catch his own. 

“I’m sorry,” Ethan muttered before pulling away. “I can’t.” This broke Zyra from the trance, and she immediately sat up. Ethan was rubbing his forehead, his brow creasing. 

“Did I do something?”

“No. It’s just…” Ethan failed to continue his thought. He was looking down, his forehead resting in his hand. She noticed he was in deep thought, probably thinking of a variety of excuses he could use to clarify what had happened. She knew his excuses all too well, so she spoke before he could even utter his first one.

“I know there’s something here between us. And I know you feel it, too.” 

Ethan shook his head. “You need to stop assuming things about me, Rookie.”

“Assuming? We almost just kissed. How am I assuming anything?”

“We’re in a unique situation. What you’re feeling–we’re feeling–is from the shared grief. We also share this secret because of it. What this is, it’s not real.”

And there he began. She began tallying the excuses in her head.

“So, now it’s the grief.”

“I’m also your boss.”

Zyra scoffed. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.”

“You know how I feel about those types of relationships.” His tone became stern. It was his usual strict tone he used to create distance between them. “It’s something I seriously disapprove of, or I’d still be with Harper.” The regret of his last statement clearly showed in the immediate paleness in his face. 

Wide-eyed, Zyra crossed one leg over the other to shift her body position towards the window, away from him. She could feel Ethan’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t bear to look back. Her hands were in fists on her thighs as she tried to figure out what to do next. Now she really wanted to be pushed out of the window. Instead, she pulled out her phone and placed her earbuds in. She sulked in her feelings to the sounds of the emotional beats to Bruno Mars’ _Unorthodox Jukebox_. 

During the middle of the second track, she felt Ethan’s seat grow empty. She looked and saw him making his way down the aisle. She sat straight up in her seat watching him stop at the end of the aisle. He stood there for about a minute until he entered the restroom. She slumped back into her seat thinking that he probably left to get away for a moment. She honestly felt a bit jealous for not thinking about it first. She looked at the clock on her phone. They had about two hours left of their flight, plus two days in Miami together. She wasn’t going to let them avoid what was happening. 

She remembered back to their talk at the coffee shop about people-watching. She knew they both were skilled at it. She could read him as easily as he could her. She knew he was hiding behind his feelings. She knew he was scared. He had been going through a difficult time with Dolores and now with Dr. Banerji. It’s no wonder he wanted to keep her at a distance. He was afraid of getting close to someone only for them to leave him. It’s also why he had mentioned Harper. Zyra knew it wasn’t purposeful, but a part of him used Harper as an excuse as well to further deny his own feelings. If anything, Bruno Mars’ lyrics that she had just been listening to summed up Ethans very situation: _Never had much faith in love or miracles. Never wanna put my heart on the line._ She knew. She saw it. He couldn’t hide from her anymore. And the listening to the lyrics fueled her next decision.

She unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way towards the restroom. She waited outside the door until she saw it opening, Ethan beginning to exit. She quickly glanced in both directions making sure no one was looking, before she pushed him back into the restroom and closed the door behind her. She quickly locked it with a sudden click of the lock. 

“What are you doing?” Ethan found himself pushed back against the wall, his legs straddling the toilet. They were close in the narrow space, their chests nearly touching. She had to tilt her head back to look up at him because he towered over her. 

“I want you to be honest with me.”

“So keeping me hostage is the answer?” His words were sharp, clearly annoyed.

“For the time being, _yes_.” She returned his sharp tone to him. 

Finding his balance, Ethan leaned his head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. “Rookie, you can’t force someone to disclose their feelings at your whim.”

“And _you_ can’t lead someone on by keeping them close and then pushing them away when you feel it’s convenient for you. That’s not fair either.”

He forced himself to look at her. Her expression was hard, as she stared him down with an intense determination in her eyes. 

“You’re right.” His voice grew soft. The expression in his eyes soon followed suit but with a hint of melancholiness. “I think it’s my turn to apologize.”

Zyra’s entire body was tense, as her adrenaline pumped through her blood vessels. But now, she felt her muscles relax in response to his words. Her expression also opened up.

“Shit. How do I say this?” He inhaled deeply. 

Zyra reached up to cup his cheek. Her thumb began gently caressing the short hair growth that handsomely framed the sharp lines of his jaw. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”

“I have this need to always be in control.” Zyra nodded in agreement but did not cut him off. She continued to listen. “And then you happened. You were so unexpected. I couldn’t help but be drawn to you.” She felt his face lean into her hand. “I just don’t want to hurt you, Zyra.” 

“What do you mean?”

“If anything happens between us, I don’t want to ruin your reputation, especially with the competition. You’re starting your career. I don’t want to help jeopardize all of your hard work and your potential for being exceptional.”

Zyra stared at him, thinking about the best way to respond to his truth.

“I can understand your fears, and, honestly, your thoughtfulness of me is such an endearing quality. But you care so much that I think that creates these fears. But have you considered what I want? I’m aware of the risks. I know what they are saying about me behind my back now because of my current ranking. But you’re an expert at not advertising your personal life at work.” She moved her hand to the nape of his neck. “I could learn, too.”

The touch of her hand on his neck slowly drew him closer towards her. “Besides, aren’t you curious about how great we could be together?” She coyly smiled. “I mean we already make a great team. You check me on my professional feelings. I check you on your personal ones. We actually balance each other out pretty well.”

She felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her into him. She felt his hard chest press up against hers, and his touch made her silently gasp.

“Just let go and be in the moment with me, Ethan.” She whispered so delicately and sincerely as she drew him in with her affectionate gaze. She gently moistened her lips with her tongue in anticipation for his to finally meet hers. The closer he came, the more her eyes began to close, anxiously waiting to taste him. 

“I can’t.” At first she thought she was hearing those same two words from the memory from earlier, but once she realized he had said it again, she felt her stomach sink. However, she was falsely already assuming the worst. “I can’t kiss you for the first time in an airplane bathroom, especially when I’m standing over a toilet.” Relieved, she dropped her head on his shoulder, trying to stifle a loud laughter. She felt Ethan’s body shudder as he too was now quietly chuckling. 

“We’ll talk more seriously later.” They returned to meet each other’s gaze. “But I’m not saying no.” The genuineness of his words radiated from the bright glitter in his eyes. “Now, can we please get out of here?”

“Were you just telling me what I wanted to hear?” She teased.

“Rookie!” 

She held up both hands in defeat as she smiled at him. She tried to turn around in the tight space in order to reach the latch on the door. But as she tried to turn it, it wouldn’t open. She fumbled with it for a few moments before she heard Ethan’s loud sigh behind her. 

“Please don’t tell me we’re stuck in here? God forbid we’re found in here.” Impatient, Ethan reached around Zyra, his body pressing up against her back, as he took his shot at the latch. With a few hard jerks, it finally opened. 

When they both shuffled out, they ran into their flight attendant who had heard them trying to open the door. She looked at both of them with raised brows as she blinked rapidly.

“You should probably get that lock checked.” Zyra nonchalantly told the flight attendant. Ethan groaned and gently pushed Zyra back towards their seats. 

They had about an hour left before they made it to Miami. Zyra and Ethan were comfortably talking, their hands entwined and resting along the armrest. 

“So what were you listening to? So I know when you’re upset with me.”

Zyra snickered at his question. She pulled out her earbuds and offered one to him. “It’s nothing you listen to.”

“I’m open to new experiences.” She immediately understood the double meaning behind his words. He placed the earbud into his ear as they both listened to the album. Zyra felt Ethan’s fingers drumming against the back of her hand. She nestled against him. He also relaxed and rested his head against hers. 

“By the way, thank you for pushing me, Rookie.”


End file.
